


Take Me Home

by crystalkei



Category: Rogue One: A Star Wars Story (2016)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Exes, F/M, Heist, Hurt/Comfort, Light Angst, Mutual Pining, Sharing a Bed, Undercover as Married, diet smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-19
Updated: 2017-02-19
Packaged: 2018-09-25 15:26:14
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 19,521
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9826382
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/crystalkei/pseuds/crystalkei
Summary: Saw Gerrera left Jyn in a bunker when she was 16. When she got the nerve to climb out, knowing she’d been dumped, a boy found her. He took her back to the Alliance and gave her a home. For a while. Until she left him.It’s been a long time and Cassian needs her help to complete a mission the rebellion won’t support. Still tangled up and hurt from their breakup as teenagers, he knows this is going to be complicated.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I took a few liberties, for example i’ve adjusted their ages from canon so they’re about the same, because AU!

 

_Jyn could’ve shot him._

 

_She’d been in the bunker, hiding, for hours. Once everything outside quieted down, she knew she should check to see the damage, but if she didn’t get out of the hole, then she could avoid facing the feeling that she’d been dumped._

 

_Again._

 

_So Jyn waited a few more hours. Working herself up, telling herself that they’d be back for her when it was safe. Saw would pry open the hatch, just like when she was a little girl. Surely, he couldn’t leave her._

 

_But after a full day and a half, she was hungry and thirsty, and that kind of necessity would make a person face their deepest fears. So she climbed out of the hole and found a boy, picking over the bodies that littered what had been the battlefield._

 

_He startled and had a blaster aimed at her faster than she had hers ready. Being heartbroken over being abandoned made her the slower draw and Jyn would have been embarrassed but she couldn’t muster the energy._

 

_“What’re you doing? Hoping they’ve got some credit chips in their pockets?” she asked him._

 

_He tilted his head and lowered his blaster. “No.”_

 

_Jyn was 16 and this boy couldn’t be much older than her. But he was dressed in plain clothes, so not Imperial. But the city on this moon had been deserted for months, she wasn’t sure where he could have come from._

 

_“Who are you?” she asked._

 

_He considered her for a moment, looked over her shoulder, then over his, like maybe it was a test, or someone was watching them. Finally he answered, “Cassian, who are you?”_

 

_“Kestrel.”_

 

_It was the name Saw suggested she start using a few weeks ago when she’d overheard someone talking about her father. Her real father. Jyn didn’t think about him much anymore, but her ears had perked up at the conversation and she was curious to know what Staven and Codo were talking about. Saw though, had distracted her, pulled her away and suggested that when they left their little home base, she should have a different name. For safety. It felt like a fun game, so she spent the next few hours coming up with a surname that would go with it._

 

 _“Were you one of these rebels?” Cassian kicked the boot of a kubaz._ _“Gerrera’s rebels?”_

 

_They weren’t coming back for her, it’d been too long. She’d been dumped. And this kid clearly wasn’t Imperial, so she nodded._

 

_“Why did they leave you?”_

 

_The trick to lying was truth. “Everyone leaves me.”_

 

_He narrowed his eyes at her, skeptical. “Why?”_

 

_Jyn could tell the truth but that truth wasn't for sharing. “I'm dangerous. I might kill you.”_

 

_The nearest hint of a smile flashed across the boy’s face. He looked her up and down, half to gauge her comment and maybe the other half because he liked what he saw. Jyn couldn't be sure but she felt her skin prickle._

 

_“I'll take my chances,” he said, smug. “Let’s go home.” Turning without waiting for an answer from her, just willing to take her back to wherever he called home._

 

_“Hope I don't have to meet your parents.” She almost didn't recognize her voice, surprising herself with her flirting._

 

_“Don't worry about that,” he tossed over his shoulder, smiling. “They're dead.”_

 

_“We can trade notes then,” Jyn added, feeling a pang of guilt at the lie, but a spark of something else in her stomach at the way he looked at her._

 

\--

 

When Cassian Andor was six years old, he learned to listen.

 

“It's called passive intelligence gathering,” Tori had said. “You keep doing what you're doing, playing ball, cleaning up, but you listen. Hone in on what they're saying, and sift through it for the bits that seem useful or out of place.”

 

“But how will I know if the words are useful?” he’d asked, needing more guidance.

 

“You'll get the hang of it. First, tell me what that man in the grey robes says to the woman, commit as much to memory as you can, then come and tell me.”

 

And thus had begun his intelligence career.

 

He learned to vary his route when going home or out, he learned to be aware of people around him so acutely that he didn’t need to look over his shoulder to know he was being followed, but listening was the first thing he learned.

 

Reading people was a skill he’d cultivated over years. It wasn’t something, like listening, that he was instantly adept at. It took work, but now he was good at it. It’s why he was asked to vet recruits, why he had the most contacts, why he was promoted as fast as he was. General Draven didn’t keep idiots around him like a few of the other generals who liked yes men. Draven wanted smart soldiers, the best.

 

But when faced with Jyn Erso, refusing to leave her cell at the prison on Wobani, Cassian Andor was reminded that some people in the galaxy were still an utter mystery.

 

“I’m rescuing you, let’s go,” he said, holding the stormtrooper mask in his free hand.

 

She hadn’t even gotten up off the bunk, she was still lying there like a child refusing to get out of bed in the morning.

 

“I’ve got a pretty busy day, I think I’ll pass,” Jyn said, waving him off.

 

“The alarms are going to sound in,” he looked down at the timer on his suit, “soon, so come on!”

 

He was starting to worry that they’d be caught. He’d been planning this prison break the entire way here from Yavin IV and was confused as to why she didn’t want to come with him.

 

“I’ll come with you,” her cellmate, a mean looking alien with tentacles, countered.

 

“Thanks, but I’m just here for the surly brunnette,” he said, his response polite even though he was irritated.

 

“Surly? I was going for aloof.” Jyn finally sat up and he breathed a little easier, he could deal with her making it difficult, as long as she would go with him.

 

“Fine, you’re aloof, let’s go,” he said, not extending the politeness he gave her cellmate.

 

“You aren’t as charming as you used to be.”

 

“We’re on a time crunch and you smell like you haven’t bathed in a few weeks. You used to be cuter.” He was lying.

 

She looked more beautiful than the last time he’d seen her (a standard year ago maybe?), sometimes he wondered if he’d ever find a more stunning woman in the galaxy, any other woman to keep his attention, but first loves were complicated like that. He assumed he’d always compare others to her.

 

Jyn rolled her eyes but gathered a few bits and bobbles from her bunk. She gave an exaggerated salute to her cellmate before stopping in front of him.

 

“Better put that helmet back on so we don’t draw attention on the way out, darling,” Jyn said, yawning widely right in his face, her foul breath making him recoil.

 

She was beautiful alright, and a pain his in ass.

 

When she left the rebellion, left him, three standard years ago, he thought he'd never see her again. In an uncharacteristic move, General Draven, well, back then Colonel Draven, had offered, “It’s a small galaxy and you won't believe me when I say that's a bad thing. You'll see her more than you care to, I'll bet.”

 

He was right about the small galaxy part and wrong about the assumption that it would hurt every time he ran into her. Seeing her at Outpost Tempest running a con or the time he caught her coming out of a bar fight on Solax, he got a sick thrill out of it. Cassian was happy to see her and by the time they parted ways, usually ecstatic to watch her go.

 

This little adventure would be no exception.

 

\--

 

“Just a captain?” Jyn settled into the second seat in the cockpit of the small ship.

 

He gave her a look, like she wasn't supposed to sit there, like it was reserved for someone else, but there was no one else and she wouldn't move even if there was.

 

“Why do you say it like that?” he asked, annoyed, but in that polite way that he spoke to people he needed to use.

 

That piqued her interest.

 

“Thought you'd be promoted faster is all,” she said, watching his face fall into his spy mask, his muscles relaxed but not really. “Piss off Draven?”

 

“I've been promoted faster than any other intelligence officer in years.” His brow was twitching, she might still be able to crack him. “Draven doesn't like anyone but I come closest to being the one he hates the least.”

 

“You're smarter than anyone there anyway.” Jyn didn't mean to say it but she had a tendency to slip when he was around.

 

She’d tried to root that part of herself out, tried to remember all the reasons he irritated her, but it was always something she had to work for, and the last few times they'd run into each other she gave it up in favor of the camaraderie. She worked alone now but he was the one person she…

 

“You don't know everyone anymore,” he interrupted her dangerous line of thought. “But I do alright for myself. I'm not in it for titles.”

 

“Of course not.” She puffed herself up. “You're in it for the cause!”

 

Cassian was flipping switches, preparing to take off. She couldn't see his face but she could guess what it looked like. He scoffed.

 

“If you could just drop me off on Vallt,” she said. “That'd be great. I'll fetch you a contact you can exploit and you can get back to your precious _cause_.”

 

Someone was firing at them, their getaway wasn't as uneventful as expected but Cassian was pulling the ship up now and Jyn didn't even give the monitor a second glance. They'd be in hyperspace in minutes.

 

“I'm not a taxi service, Jyn, you've got to help me with something, that's why I broke you out.”

 

“Silly me thinking you'd done it out of the kindness in your heart.” Jyn put her feet up on the edge of the control panel. “What could you possibly want with me?”

 

She waited, hoping Cassian would start talking, explain why he rescued her, but nothing.

He hadn't been eating again, probably skipping meals in favor of working longer, he did it too much and if she were his mother, she'd scold him but mostly she thought about how it made the lines of his face stand out, making him look older than he was. Older than the last time she’d seen him.

 

Absently, she wondered if she looked that much older to him. He was still gorgeous as ever. It was tragic, like all the rest of their entanglements. That's what they were, a tragedy. Two stars, moments from supernova, doomed.

 

Jyn had thought of more poetic and dramatic metaphors when they'd lie in their bunk at night, two children really, two idiots left to play house while fighting for a cause only one of them believed in.

 

“Where are we going?” she asked, prodding again for information.

 

Just like in her cell, she knew she’d come with him, she only dragged her feet because she couldn’t let him win, couldn’t let him know she was relieved and grateful to see him. Her cellmate, Kennel, had threatened to kill her, and Jyn had honestly been looking forward to the fight. She was prepared to die on Wobani.

 

So Jyn would help Captain Cassian Andor with whatever little task he wanted her for. But she wasn’t going to make it easy. She couldn’t give up the ground. Jyn didn’t let people in anymore. Not since Saw. Not since her father. Not since her mother.

 

It was one of the reasons why she left him all those years ago. He wanted more of her than she could give. At least, that’s what she told herself.

 

“You’re going to help me steal something.” He flipped a few more switches as the ship jumped into hyperspace. “But first we have to clean up. We’ve got a party to go to.”

 

She resisted the urge to roll her eyes. “I’m not doing spy things.”

 

“You’re going to do a little,” he countered.

 

Jyn groaned, looking at the ceiling and pouting. “I’m not a spy.”

 

“Oh, I know, I have to do three times as much work to cover for you, but this won’t be too hard.” He sounded optimistic but she made a face at him. “Hopefully.”

 

That made him sound less sure.

 

Jyn picked and prodded at him as they went but he didn’t give her any more information about the mission. It only annoyed her though, he was the only person she’d willingly work with without knowing all the details. She didn’t want to think about the implications of that too much.

 

When they pulled into orbit, Jyn’s stomach sank. “Coruscant?”

 

Jyn had actively avoided the planet since she was a child. Saw told her it’d be dangerous and she still trusted his assessment. There were lots of things she still did out of superstition or because Saw taught her.

 

“Just for a minute.” He’d already caught onto her hesitation. “Well, for the party.”

 

“You broke a prisoner out of an Imperial labor camp, what a great idea you’ve got, taking that prisoner to a party in Galactic City.”

 

Cassian gave her a sideways look. “Once you’ve cleaned all that dirt off, no one will recognize you so I’m feeling good about our odds. We won’t be there long. In and out. Two days tops.”

 

“Days?! How long is this going to take?” Jyn felt felt woozy at the thought. She did fine running into Cassian for a few hours, a few days was skirting a line she hadn’t crossed in years.

 

“As long as it takes. But if you work with me instead of digging in your heels every step of the way, crazy idea, I know, we’ll finish sooner and you can get back to stealing whatever it is you’re stealing these days.”

 

She hated that he knew what she was doing. That he knew her so well.

 

By the time they were safely (or she hoped safely) ensconced in some lavish apartment in the city, a safe house of his, Jyn was planning escape routes for every possible outcome.

 

“I’ll be right back,” Cassian said, like it wasn't a huge thing for him to leave her.

  
“Where are you going?”

 

“To get the supplies we’ll need.”

 

“The supplies?” Her voice sounded shrill in her own ears and she felt silly.

 

“Go clean up, I’ll be quick.” He was halfway out the door before he turned and said, “Don’t get arrested or anything.”

 

Jyn scoffed. “Are you kidding me?”

 

He gave her a half smile, like he knew she was panicking, and left. Jyn tried not to pout. That was a waste of energy and even though she was a terrible combination of anxious and restless, a shower would be welcome. The hot water relaxing her as much as a child soldier turned criminal (on a planet where her father once worked for the Empire) could ever relax. At least her muscles felt less tense. And she was clean. There might have been something living in her hair, but now it was untangled and smooth. She wasn’t sure how long it had been since she’d felt properly clean.

 

When she opened the ‘fresher door, the rush of cool air had her clutching the towel around her tighter.

 

“I’m not going to comment on how long that took you because you’re barely recognizable, you obviously had a lot of scrubbing to do,” Cassian said.

 

She hated that her first reflex was to smile. She bit her lip instead but realized instantly that wasn’t a great response either, so Jyn looked away and put on her best scowl.

 

“What is that?” Jyn pointed to the bed, more precisely, the gray length of cloth on the bed.

 

“A dress. For the party.” Cassian was coming towards her and she backed up involuntarily to keep distance between them, but he was trying to get into the refresher and she wasn’t moving out of the doorway and they ended up doing an awkward dance while she was only covered in a towel.

 

“I hate dresses,” she said, giving up the back and forth and just blocking his entry, folding her arms over her chest, both in defiance and to keep her towel straight.

 

Cassian’s shoulders dropped in annoyance or defeat, she didn’t care. “I know but it’s for the party.”

 

“I can’t run in that.”

 

“You shouldn’t _have_ to run in it.”

 

“According to you, but what if things go badly? As they often do, by the way.” She knew it irritated him when she suggested he wasn’t good at his job, when anyone did, so the tick of his jaw was expected, almost attractive, if she cared about that. But she didn’t.

 

“Put on the dress. You can’t go to the party in the clothes you’ve got.” He finally pushed past her, using his hands on her towel covered hips to shift her unceremoniously. “I promise you won’t have to run. Besides, you’re so good at running, I’d bet you could manage in the dress if you needed to.”

 

Jyn shouldn’t have been blindsided by the comment, she’d just come for him and now he was coming for her. But still, it stung.

 

“Why don’t you just say you're still mad at me for leaving?”

 

Cassian pulled his shirt over his head and produced a razor from somewhere over the sink. Without even looking at her, his attention focused on trimming up his whiskers, he hit back, “I do say it. Every time we run into each other.”

 

“I had to leave,” Jyn argued.

 

It felt familiar, saying these words, like a script they always recited. The problem was, they weren’t acting, she hurt, he hurt, they went round and round, every time.

 

If he was going to ignore her while reciting his lines, she was going to do the same. He’d said she should get ready for the party so she dropped her towel and grabbed the dress from the bed, unconcerned with modesty.

 

“You didn't have to. You wanted to.” She heard him say.

 

Over her shoulder she saw him scowling in the mirror, working his face in whatever contortion to shave just the right spot. Her skin prickled with annoyance that he didn’t even notice her nakedness. It didn’t matter. Except the part where it made her mad. No, it didn’t matter. On with the play.

 

She yanked the dress over her wet hair and slid it down her body and turned to him.

 

“There's nothing you could have said to protect me there. You're fooling yourself if you think you had the clout back then. You probably don't even have it now. Unless they wanted to use me. Can't believe they haven't come for that yet.” She paused, suddenly the thought striking her, nearly knocking the wind out of her.

  
Cassian’s hand froze mid air, he looked at her and shook his head. “That's not what I need you for. I wouldn't use you like that.”

 

“ _You_ wouldn't. But you're all about rules and orders.”

 

It felt like a hundred years, he just stared at her. Jyn didn’t even let people know her real name, kept everyone at arm’s length. She had secrets that needed to be kept to keep her safe. And here was the one person in the galaxy that knew...even just a few of her secrets. Since he’d found out, she almost felt relieved. Someone saw a hidden part of her and she didn’t trust him, but she didn’t fear his motives. But now...

 

“There’s shoes,” he said, sharp, either he was deflecting or she'd hit him where it hurt.  “Put them on. We have to go soon.”

 

He might use her. He could betray her at any moment. Jyn didn’t entertain any ideas that she was different from one of his contacts now.  She'd be on alert, ready for anything. Even from him.

 

\--

 

Instead of focusing on her suggestion that he was using her, Cassian focused on the mission. He was good at compartmentalizing. (But didn’t she know how he felt about her? Wasn’t he clear?) Then again, the boxes seemed to bleed out when she was involved. If there was anyone else that could help him with this, he would have asked, but the rebellion wasn’t keen on this mission and he was doing the best he could. If he didn’t have that backup, he had her. Even if she thought the least of him.

 

They both stood stiff, dressed up and waiting for the door to open. Her hair was down. It was never down and he tried not to stare. It was beautiful, she was beautiful, but these disguises weren't who they were.

 

“You have the datacard?” he asked.

 

“I have it.”

 

“You just have to plug it into the data port and it will do everything for you,” he explained.

 

“I heard you the first ten times.”

 

Was it possible to _hear_ a person roll their eyes? Because he didn’t look but he knew. Cassian adjusted his collar, the wool was itchy but he wore it with confidence, selling the look was important to the task.

 

“While we’re standing here, why won’t you tell me the whole plan and why I am the person you need help from?” Jyn’s hand was on her hip and she seemed undisturbed by the fact that they were waiting for the door to open so they could go in the party. “If I’m just stealing some intelligence, some files, why do you even need me? You could easily do this yourself.”

 

He turned to her, annoyed. “Someone has to distract everyone else while you do the stealing. It’s a two person job and I’m the more personable one so I’ll distract while you steal.”

 

“I’m personable,” she argued.

 

Cassian laughed, short and genuine. “You’re funny, too.”

 

She scowled at him and almost said something, but snapped her mouth shut and plastered a fake smile on her face as the door slid open.

 

A droid led them into the party. Cassian quickly schooled his features, started counting the guests, and getting a feel for the layout of the apartment.

 

He felt Jyn at his side fidgeting. “Well?”

 

“We just got here,” he whispered. “We need to make a few rounds of the room.”

 

“There’s food.” Jyn lifted her chin towards a table, flanked by several groups of people.

 

It occurred to him that she probably hadn’t eaten a decent meal in a while. She’d been on Wobani for a week and though he’d never been in prison, he didn’t think they fed them well.

 

“In a minute.” He guided her, putting his hand on the small of her back, (not at all enjoying the feel of the soft fabric, it seemed counter to her personality) towards the table but closer to the people.

 

An older man in an Imperial uniform was telling a story about drunk wookiees. Everyone in the circle was enthralled, laughing, and drinking. That was important. The more relaxed they were, the easier it was to blend in. Jyn stiffened at the crowd, so he slid his hand from her back and slipped it into her hand, then carefully wedged them into the circle.

 

“And then the wookiee says _argggggg_.”

 

The group cracked up, as did the officer who had just finished the story. Cassian laughed with them, not intrusive, just a light chuckle, mixing in with the crowd, naturally. Jyn did nothing but that was better than the alternative. They’d finish this quicker if she stayed quiet. Her skills were many but not this.

 

“Ah, Lieutenant, introduce yourself,” the officer said, jovially.

 

“Of course, I’m Lieutenant Pontha and this is my wife Tanith.”

 

Jyn tensed again, either because he used one of her aliases or because he didn’t tell her they were pretending to be married for the party, either way, he gave her a half smile and she did her solid best (he assumed) to not make any other indications that she was thrown.

 

Warm welcomes and introductions were made, drinks were offered, and not even ten minutes in, Cassian was telling his own tall tale, the group hanging on his every word. Except Jyn. She’d thrown back two drinks and if he didn’t know her, he’d have been concerned about her ability to do the job.

 

“It’s too bad you’ve been out with the fleet, Lieutenant,” the Imperial officer mused as everyone, refilled their drinks (Jyn reached for a third and Cassian tried not to cringe). “I’d love to have you round my section. I’m often stuck entertaining the big wigs as they come through, some of them are so staunch you could fall asleep just asking them what they do for our great Empire.”  

 

“I’m sure you manage.”

 

“You know, I had one last week, what was his name, Sume, what was his name?” he asked the woman on his arm.

 

“G- something, Gorman, Gronan, Galen?” the woman listed off, unknowing that Cassian and Jyn were both holding their breath.

 

“No, not Galen Erso,” the officer dismissed her but Cassian took a step over, deliberately standing in front of Jyn as if he could shield her from the mention of her father.

 

He wanted to protect her. Physically. Mentally. All of it. But she never let him, he learned that a long time ago. And he knew she didn’t need him to do those things, but it didn’t stop him from wanting to. Even now. Especially now.

 

“He hasn’t been here in years.” He worked his fingers as if he could pull the name from the air around him. “Garth! Garth Channel. He was an utter bore. The week would have gone by so much faster if I had a good sport like you around, Pontha.”

 

Cassian stepped back as subtly to his position as he could, but he felt Jyn’s eyes boring into him. She downed the last of her third drink and put on a strained smile.

 

“Where’s your ‘fresher?” she asked, barely concealing her annoyance.

 

“Just round the hall, would you like me to show you, dear?” Sume offered.

 

“No, no, I’ll be fine, thank you.” This time her smile was more genuine and it made Cassian uncomfortable. He wasn’t sure what she was thinking.  “I’ll let my husband tell you all his favorite stories while I’m gone. I’ve heard them all a hundred times and can’t possibly hear them once more or I might break his nose.”

 

The group laughed and Cassian joined in, but only enough to sell it. He knew now that she was livid. So he leaned over like he was kissing her cheek tenderly, but whispered in her ear, “It’s too soon to go looking for the office.”

 

He felt her hand slip into his pocket and flick the comm link on.

 

“If I have to spend one more minute in this dress at this boring party I’ll murder you,” she whispered back, her voice tight. “If I need help, I’ll call for it.”

 

And off she went. He watched her disappear around the corner, thankfully, his weakness for her worked well in this situation.

 

“Hard to be away from them, even for a moment, after we’ve been gone so long, yes?” the officer said, wistful.

 

Cassian turned back to him and nodded. “Yes, the cause keeps me warm at night, but not as warm as she does.”

 

The women in the group sighed collectively. The trick to lying was the truth. It worked every time.

 

After a solid half hour of distracting the group via rowdy conversation, Cassian was nervous. He couldn’t show it, and the years of doing spy work like this, his body didn’t show it. A regular person might start tapping their finger against their glass. Maybe start to lose the threads of conversation, might even get sweaty palms, but Cassian did none of those things. He kept up with the story about a run in with smugglers, a senate meeting gone wrong, told his own experience of a bad restaurant in the Outer Rim. But as the minutes came closer to an hour, he knew that Jyn’s absence would raise red flags.  

 

“Excuse me, I’m just going to-”

 

“Better go find that wife of yours,” the officer said, his brow raised but a smile tugging at the corner of his mouth. “You wouldn’t want her to find someone new.”

 

Cassian gave a short nod and tried to smile. But the words stuck in that moment. It was the worst time for him to be considering Jyn’s personal life. He was here to work but now he was thinking about others she might be tangled up with. Not at the party, of course, as the officer had suggested, but when she didn’t see him. Was there someone she went home to? She was quick to ask him to drop her on Vallt. Did she have someone there?

 

He needed to be aware of everyone around him, he needed to have three exits in his head, he needed to watch hands reaching for blasters, and he was, mostly. But he was also thinking of Jyn and someone else.

 

Looking both ways before entering, he slipped into the office, to find Jyn leaning against the wall where the console was, gently banging her head against the wall. She snapped to, but relaxed slightly, when she saw it was him coming in.

 

“Your spy thing doesn’t work,” she said. “I’ve been letting it do it’s thing for ages and it just keeps flashing red, it won’t flash green.”

 

Cassian nudged her out of the way and read over the console screen. He hit some buttons and the light on the tiny device went from red, to orange, to green.

 

“Just put it in there, it will do all the work for you,” Jyn said in a terrible impersonation of his voice. “You didn’t say I had to override the system preferences.”

 

“I didn’t think you’d have to,” he snapped back, grabbing the datacard. “Doesn’t matter, we’re done, let’s go.”

 

But Jyn leaned into him, quickly, kissing him so hard and fast that their teeth clattered. Her arms were suddenly at his neck, she was pressing into him, moving closer and closer. He should stop but it felt right, achingly familiar. Jyn yanked at the hair at the base of his neck and he couldn’t help the gasp, or the way his hips pressed into hers more, she pulled away just slightly, as if she were going to say something, but then-

 

“You shouldn’t be in here,” someone said from behind them.

 

Every muscle in his body screamed.

 

She wasn’t kissing him because she wanted to.

 

It was a cover.

 

Jyn though, looked breathless, her lips swollen, her cheeks pink, he could tell himself that even if it was cover, she looked like she’d enjoyed herself. She wasn’t a good enough liar to fake that.

 

He straightened his shoulders and turned to the interloper. It was Sume and she didn’t look in the least bit scandalized by what she’d seen so that was good for them. He could use that.

 

“Excuse me, but I’ve been away, you know how it is,” he said, giving her a look meant to seduce.

 

She blushed before looking over at Jyn and waving them off. “Go on home then, take care of her in proper privacy, hm?”

 

“Thank you,” Jyn whispered, and then giggled.

 

The tone of her voice had him still wrapped up in the kiss, but the giggle, well, that snapped him out of it. She was overselling it. Jyn was terrible spy material, she made a much better soldier. Put 15 stormtroopers in her way and she’d take them down with little effort, one flushed housewife? Well, they were lucky Sume was tipsy from the party.

 

Jyn took his hand, using it to pull his arm around her, and keeping her hand in his, even as it rested on her shoulder, as they walked past Sume and out into the main room. She only let go of his hand to expertly steal a plate of appetizers as they exited the apartment.

 

He made a mental note to get her something to eat before they left in the morning.

 

\---

 

Jyn munched on her stolen food all the way back to their own temporary, swanky accommodations. It was better than looking at Cassian or thinking about the scrape of his stubble against her skin, about the way he instantly melted into her, clutching and reaching for her like he was drowning. She certainly wasn’t doing those same things. At least, she hoped he didn’t notice her matching every move of his, lost in the comfort of nostalgia, seeing if she could find that same spot on his neck that used to make him go wild.

 

As Cassian walked through the door, he immediately started shedding the Imperial uniform he’d been disguised in all night, muttering something about the “wool of oppressors.”

 

To distract herself from her partner’s impending nakedness, Jyn started talking. “Have you ever been to the Galactic City Museum of Art?”

 

“No,” he said, tossing his jacket to the floor.

 

“There's a vase there.” She gulped when he pulled his undershirt over his head, she'd seen him naked before and even just a few hours ago had seen him shirtless but that kiss for cover had her discombobulated.

 

Cassian undid his belt without even looking at her. “I'd imagine there are several vases in a museum of art.”

 

“I saw this one when I was a kid. My mother took me, it's beautiful, shades of red, pink, and gold.” Jyn knew she should look away as he undid his pants but she didn't. She couldn't even keep her eyes off his hands working the fastenings at his waist. It's why she didn't notice him look up sharply, until he spoke, that is.

 

“Your mother?” he asked, suddenly interested.

 

She never spoke about her parents. Quickly, she realized her mistake, and shook her head.

 

“No, no, go on,” Cassian said.

 

“Doesn't matter.” She waved him off, kicking herself for the slip up. “Go back to rage undressing. I'm going to change as well, here's your thingy.”

 

Jyn tossed the datacard she'd grabbed before kissing him. He caught it in one hand and looked at her expectantly.

 

“Stop looking at me like that.” Instead of coming off harsh, it felt like a plea.

 

“Like what?”

 

“Like I'm a bomb about to explode.”

 

“I don't think that.”

 

“Yes, you do. You physically stood in front of me, earlier, like you might contain the blast and protect the rest of the party.”

 

“No,” Cassian said, looking at her seriously, willing her to understand. “He was the bomb, not you.”

 

“Oh,” Jyn said, the meaning registering, he was trying to protect her from her father’s name.

 

It was that feeling again. Like the wind had been knocked out of her. Like she couldn't remember how to make her lungs work, how to take air in. She couldn't make herself.

 

Cassian took a step towards her but she moved back. Then another step back and another. He halted his advance but she backed right into the other room before she turned to leave.

 

“Where are-”

 

She cut him off before he could ask, “To steal the vase.”

 

“In that dress?” He sounded confused but she couldn't be there and she certainly couldn’t explain.

 

“I won't get arrested,” she threw over her shoulder, before leaving the apartment.

 

She ran as best she could down the hall, around the curve, before she stopped. Jyn leaned her back against the wall and tried not to cry.

 

Jyn had always known she was dangerous. From the time her parents had conceived her, she was a liability. To everyone around her. She was the bomb. In the fabric of her being, she felt it, the sizzling and crackling, the heat.

 

Cassian was like her. He’d felt some of her same pain. Lost his family. Made a weapon before puberty. Alone. But instead of the bitterness that sustained Jyn, a hope in a rebellion rested in him. But not because he wanted to believe it. She knew it was because he _had_ to believe it.

 

She didn't believe. No rebellion had ever brought her anything but heartache. They took her in, gave her a temporary shelter, sent her to hurt and murder in the name of a cause she didn't understand, and then spit her out. Saw had done it. Mon Mothma’s rebellion would have done it if they'd known the truth. And still that harsh memory she buried deep, her parents had tried to resist and it hadn't gotten them anything. Only broken their family.

 

But she wasn’t doing anything for the rebellion so it was fine. Jyn wiped her eyes, took greedy gulps of the air, filling her lungs and promising herself she knew how to breathe.

 

Cassian had gotten too close. When he said things like that, when she was reminded that the only person in the galaxy that might know the locked away parts of her still might want her, it was terrifying. But he wasn’t asking her for anything but help on this mission and she could easily give him that. She’d actually enjoyed it, even if she’d made a fuss about the party.

 

She stood up and considered stealing the vase.

 

The dress was unforgiving and the shoes were worse so she immediately shelved the childish whim. It was late and she hadn’t slept well on Wobani for obvious reasons, Jyn needed to rest. She went back to the apartment, kicked off her shoes, and didn’t even bother with the dress. When she climbed into the oversized bed, Cassian shifted like he was awake but he didn’t say anything.

 

“Cassian?” she whispered.

 

“Hm?” He sounded half asleep, it was either the best time to ask the question, or the worst.

 

The sheets were smooth and they reminded her of something but she couldn’t put her finger on it. “Has the rebellion ever brought you joy?”

 

He was silent for a long time, so long she wondered if he'd fallen asleep.

 

“It brought me you.”

 

Sometimes she hated that he could be so honest with her. She wished he’d hold back. It was too much for him to be so vulnerable tonight.

 

“But I didn't stay.”

 

“You asked if it had ever brought me joy,” Cassian said. “Not if I got to keep it.”

 

“The rebellion has only brought me pain.” Jyn said, feeling him stiffen beside her.

 

They stayed lying there together, quietly. Until finally, he spoke again. His voice barely above a whisper, hoarse and hesitant, “What would you have done if I hadn't found you?”

 

“I don't know,” she answered honestly.

 

All the things that happened today didn’t matter. Jyn gave into her body needing the comfort and rest that curling around him would allow her. She scooted closer, burying her nose in his bare back and letting her arm rest around his middle.

 

As if he expected it, as if they always did this, Cassian covered her arm with his, threading their fingers together, and let out a content sigh. She fell asleep like that and slept better than she had in years.

 

\--

 

In the morning, when Cassian woke, he was alone. That didn't particularly surprise him but Jyn coming in with caf was unsettling. She set it on the end table next to the bed and walked away without a word. It seemed they weren't going to talk about what happened last night, that was fine, he was used to it but this certain action, her with the caf, was too familiar.

 

_“I have to go,” he said._

 

_“Or you could stay,” she countered, setting the mug down on the shelf in their little room and sitting back on the bunk._

 

_“Draven says it's an important assignment.” Cassian looked around the room, finding his shirt at the edge of the bunk._

 

_“He thinks everything he tasks people with is important.” She raised her brow. “He tells the person fetching his breakfast it’s an important task.”_

 

_Cassian leaned down and kissed her. “You could come with me.”_

 

_Jyn pulled him down to the bunk by his neck, he came easily, she shifted underneath him and he settled over her, his hands moving up under her sleep shirt and enjoying the way her skin felt, warm and soft._

 

_“I have to do a training thing, can't come help you,” Jyn said between kisses. “Don't die.”_

 

_“It'll be difficult, but I'll manage.” He gave her one last peck before sitting up._

 

_“Cassian,” she said, almost singing it. “Lets run away.”_

 

_He laughed. “Unfortunately I have to go on this mission. I can't run away with you.”_

 

_“Let’s go to Aheks.”_

 

_“And what would we do there?” he asked, tying his boots._

 

_“Nothing. That’s the best part. We’d do nothing.” Her face was bright and excited._

 

_“It’s a lovely idea,” he said, giving her a small smile. “Someday.”_

 

 _“No.” She shook her head. “Not_ someday. _I’m serious.”_

 

_Cassian’s brow furrowed. “We can’t just leave.”_

 

_“Why not?”_

 

_“Because.” He held out his arm as if that explained everything._

 

_Jyn rolled her eyes. “I’m sure the rebellion would get along fine without a couple of teenagers.”_

 

_“You’d just leave? Let everyone else fight for the galaxy?” he asked, shocked._

 

_“It’s just the two of us, we’ve been fighting for years, it’s all you or I has ever known so what if we just stopped? Ran away and lounged on Aheks and made a life for ourselves, one without orders or missions or…” She didn’t finish._

 

_But he knew she meant fighting. He knew she meant killing._

 

_“We’ll finish this and then we’ll go,” Cassian said, looking at the clock._

 

_“You're the most selfless person I know.” It was a compliment but she wasn’t delivering it as such, she was annoyed. “My father used to read me books about a hero who was selfless like that and I'd always tell him that the book was obviously made up because no one was that selfless. Yet here you are.”_

 

_“Your father?”_

 

_Jyn’s face fell. He didn't want to push her into talking about her family, but she rarely mentioned them and he was so curious, but instead he shifted. “Well my father used to read me books about being punctual, so I'm going.”_

 

_The tension in her shoulders loosened a bit and she smiled, though it wasn’t a real one. He was learning the difference. Cassian could usually spot the difference in people he’d just met, but it’d been two years of learning hers._

 

_“I’ll be back later. Don’t hurt any of those trainees with your truncheons. They’ll be scared of you for weeks.”_

 

_“You act like that’s not my goal.” Her knowing look made him grin._

 

_Cassian was almost out the door when he said, “I love you, Kestrel.”_

 

_He always ran before he could hear her response because deep down, he knew she wouldn’t respond._

 

Cassian should have known better. She’d rather run away than talk about her family, shut down and pretend nothing happened than open up. It used to hurt that she wouldn’t share those things with him. He shouldn't have been surprised. Same Jyn, just a little older. Same closed off self. She didn’t trust him, he thought she did once, back then, but like everything, he wondered if that was ever the case. She was all at once a terrible liar, and a good one. Cassian wasn’t sure if he was bad at his trusty skills or if she held some place in between. Conditionally talented liar, maybe?

 

It had been three standard years since they’d slept in the same bed. But now they weren’t going to talk about it and so he needed to stuff those feelings away. Cram them into a box and open another box for the next part of this operation. Cassian was always bending over backwards for her, always bearing his soul to her, and she didn’t reciprocate. Jyn was a locked vault and despite the number of things he could break into, he couldn’t crack that code and he wondered why he kept trying.

 

 _Shove it in the box. Get to work_.

 

He got up and dressed without saying a word to Jyn. She was already dressed, her hair back up in her usual bun.

 

“What time are we doing the drop?” She’d been pacing in the kitchen but trying to hide it.

 

He drank the caf she’d brought him and grabbed his coat and bag. “I’ll contact him from the ship and then we’ll know. Let’s go before you wear a hole in the floor.”

 

“I wasn’t.” She glared at him and huffed before following him out.

 

Back on the ship, he cringed again at the way Jyn settled into the copilot’s seat. She wouldn’t be there forever, but the act had him annoyed and concerned. Worried that at the end of this, he’d be left with no one in that seat.

 

He sent out the signal and waited. He turned the comm dial to the proper channels and alternated back and forth between them for a few minutes before he caught the message. A recorded one telling him to head to Aheks. Of course.

 

Cassian pulled his vest on and hoisted himself into the seat, flicking switches and putting on the headset.

 

“Where’re we going?” Jyn had her foot on the console again, he swatted at it so she’d move and he could get to the lever he needed.

 

“To your favorite runaway destination,” he said.

 

She made a face. “All the way out there? That’s gonna take another day!”

 

“Got somewhere you need to be?” he asked, sharp.

 

“Away from you,” she muttered.

 

It wasn’t worth responding to so he didn’t.

 

“Some bar there you didn’t pay your tab?” He pushed the ship into hyperspace and hoped the calculations were correct. He usually had someone checking them but not today.

 

Jyn put her hands behind her head and leaned back. “I’ve never been there.”

 

“Liar.” It popped out of his mouth before he could stop it. That wasn’t normally a problem he had but, as usual, Jyn set him off kilter.

 

She turned up her nose at him. _“_ Is this an interrogation?”

 

“If I were interrogating you, you wouldn't know it,” he replied.

 

“You're a good spy but I know you better than you think”

 

“I know you pretty well too, and I’d bet that you got restless on Aheks and left. It’s impossible for you to settle down.” Cassian adjusted the course on the console.

 

Jyn took a breath like she was going to argue but she stopped. He saw her bite her lip and kept the flashes of yesterday’s kiss in the box.

 

“Winter was cold there, too.”

 

“You asked me to drop you on Vallt, Jyn.” He looked away when he saw her tongue slide across her teeth.

 

She used to do that when she was thinking, formulating some lie.

 

“At least there’s snow on Vallt.” It was a weak excuse and she knew it, almost like she wasn’t even trying.

 

So he was right, she’d gotten restless. He was glad he’d always turned down her silly plan to run away. And now when he felt those pangs of regret in the middle of a lonely night, or after a mission where he’d had to do something he wasn’t proud of, he could close the box on that old path.

 

They spent the rest of the trip in relative silence, though it was neither comfortable or uneasy. Just quiet. He wondered what she was thinking about, but only in between reciting his own mission. Swap the stolen information for the new coordinates. Then get in, get out, drop Jyn on Vallt and get back to Yavin IV. Hopefully he’d avoid any repercussions to his career. Cassian glanced at Jyn, her eyes searching the stars for something she’d never share. Back to the plan.

 

“You’re coming in too fast,” she said, as they approached the planet. “You’re a terrible pilot.”

 

“I’m not a pilot and the person sitting in that chair usually helps, so if you’ve got complaints, help,” he snapped.

 

“Who usually sits in this chair?”

 

He winced at the question. “Not helping,” he said while adjusting the controls.

 

“Well?” Jyn prodded again and Cassian almost laughed.

 

“Jealous? That’s new.” He smiled just barely and she huffed.

 

“No.” But the pout on her face said otherwise.

 

\--

 

The idea that she was jealous was outrageous. She was absolutely not. But Cassian kept that smug grin on his face through the entire landing and Jyn wanted to smack it off his face. Or kiss it off his face. No, definitely the first one.

 

They wound their way through a sparsely populated village, she tried to keep her eyes forward, following him, but it was cold and she found herself sticking closer to him than she needed to. He had a warm parka and she only had a jacket, and Jyn knew from personal experience that he put out a ton of heat. It was hard to forget that quality of his.

 

But sticking close to him was like letting him win. She hadn’t been jealous. Not that much.

 

“What’s this about anyway? Tell me what we’re doing, I need to know details.” She poked at his arm as an excuse to get closer.

 

Because he was warm.

 

Not for any other reason.

 

“Need to know basis, you don’t need to know,” he said, focused, but he took her hand and pulled her closer.

 

Because he knew she was cold, she told herself.

 

No other reason.

 

She wasn’t jealous. When she looked at him, she was sure he wasn’t taking time to eat let alone have someone else. Jyn could admit she had dreamed, (fantasized?) that he didn’t let people close anymore because of how she left him. It was selfish and arrogant and mean to hope that someone would never feel about someone else the way they once felt about you. She knew that, but she couldn’t find the energy to feel guilty about it.

 

Jyn had learned at age eight how to disarm someone twice her size, by 16 she could set bombs and shoot a stormtrooper in the head from 500 Trogan meters, but no one had been around to teach her how to pick through her emotions and process them appropriately so she’d been flying by the seat of her pants. Unfortunately, Cassian was too often a casualty of her inability to suss out her feelings.

 

Cassian was just better at it. Since he’d been trained to read people, to spot their weaknesses and to gauge their honesty, he handled emotions better. Though, maybe too well. He carried all those things with him, all the feelings, all the guilt, all the moral dilemmas, they were all on his shoulders, he hauled them around and pretended they didn’t weigh him down. Did anyone in the resistance see it? Did anyone help carry them?

 

Maybe she shouldn’t be jealous. He certainly deserved someone to help make those burdens lighter.

 

They approached a group of tents surrounded by trees. She felt him reach around and adjust his blaster. Jyn wanted to stay close to him, she didn’t want to let go of his hand, something about the wispy trees made the hairs on the back of her neck stand up. But she let go and checked her own blaster subtly.

 

A man in robes that looked too big for his frame came out to greet them. He was missing his front teeth and smelled like fire. Jyn looked around and noticed the fire pits had all been doused and put out, some of them still smoking. Midday was an unusual time to do that, unless someone was looking to run.

 

“I’m here to see Ranport,” Cassian told the man.

 

“He’s gone.”

 

Jyn was still looking around, trying to figure out why this place felt off, but her eyes landed back on the man and she repressed a shiver at the way he was looking at her. Jyn looked over at Cassian but he didn’t seem to notice. Not that it mattered, she couldn’t really tell what he was thinking. He had that cool, impassable face of a spy at the moment.

 

She took a step back and Cassian didn’t say anything, so she walked away. Casually walking back a few meters to circle the fire pits, listening for people who might be in the tents. Again, she looked back at Cassian and he was still trying to get the man in the oversized robes to work with him, so she widened her circle, checking the next fire pit, looping another tent, listening for people.

 

It didn’t sound like there was anyone here. Food left uncooked by the pits, a patch of sewing on a chair by the entrance of a tent. It was eerie.

 

Jyn made her way to the last tent, checking back with Cassian, still arguing, she wasn’t sure he’d even noticed her walking away, which was unusual for him as well. Everything about this was feeling a little sideways.

 

But none of the tents yielded anything, it seemed the man was telling the truth, so she started back towards Cassian, her body still tense.

 

As she passed the largest tent, she heard a pot hit the dirt. She reached for her blaster and ran around the tent as quickly as she could, catching a stout man coming out of the side, his face was red and he was sweating. He stopped dead in his tracks when she trained her blaster on him.

 

“Is this the guy, Cassian?” she shouted, but Cassian was already heading her way having heard the commotion.

 

“I came all this way to give you what you asked for and you’re trying to leave without saying hello?” Cassian’s tone was genial but only just.

 

“Can you tell her to put that down?” Ranport tipped his chin towards Jyn but only spoke to Cassian.

 

“No,” he said, surprising Jyn.

 

He must have been perturbed, Cassian liked to speak to contacts without weapons out. She remembered from a mission they did years ago. He said people always spoke more freely when weapons were hidden.

 

“You took too long. My information is too old and I can’t help you now,” Ranport explained.

 

“So you don’t need the contacts of every person who was greeted by Colonel Welt? Every politician and officer of the Empire, you don’t need that anymore?”

 

Ranport actually wiggled his fingers like he was desperate to have the information. It made him look like a rat.

 

“They might have moved the droid. It should be at the outpost at Felucia but it’s been a week. Could be scrap metal by now, could be reprogrammed and sent back out to the fleet. You took too long!”

 

“We've been traipsing all over the galaxy for a droid?” Jyn lowered her blaster and stared open mouthed at Cassian.

 

“Not now,” he said, brushing her off.

 

She steadied her blaster but she barely heard the rest of what was going on. What kind of a droid was worth all this? Cassian handed off the datacard with the information they’d stolen and they walked out of the village, but she kept her blaster out the whole time. The place still gave her the creeps, and she knew it irritated Cassian that she still had it out. He picked up the pace and almost ran back to the ship. Maybe he thought she’d shoot him. The thought had crossed her mind.

 

Once back on the ship, he shed his parka, put on his vest, then started the ship, getting it ready for take off.

 

“You put me in danger for a droid?” she said, shutting the door behind her, he didn’t stop what he was doing and it only made her skin heat. “I haven't been to Coruscant since I was a little girl because Saw Gerrera told me it was dangerous. I was this close to exposure because _you_ took me to a party where someone knew my father!”

 

Still, he kept on with his task, she got closer, gripping the armrest of his seat and looking up, trying to channel her anger instead of the little bit of hurt she felt knowing that he’d willingly put her in danger for something so trivial.

 

“For a droid?” She hated that her voice broke a little, betraying that part of her that was hurt instead of livid.

 

But it worked. He turned to her, his face stony. He flipped a switch on the console too hard and jumped out of the seat. He’d have jumped on top of her if she hadn’t shifted quickly.

 

“Stop.”

 

Cassian was in her face now, there was no room for her to back up because they were wedged in between the two pilots’ seats, but she didn’t want to move. She wanted to smack him or crash into him. At least she was aware she was terrible at figuring out her emotions.

 

“We're not gonna have this fight,” he said, a little too loud for their close quarters but it didn’t scare her, if anything it emboldened her and she stood up straighter. “If anyone is storming off it's _me_ because all those years ago you left me!

 

“I've done nothing but protect you and care about you and you?” He looked away, his jaw set before he looked back at her. “You. Left. Me.”

 

Jyn deserved that. He reminded her all the time, but it didn’t feel like a script this time. He was raw and the weight of that slammed into her so hard she felt lucky that they were wedged in between the seats because it kept her upright. She didn’t have a response so she just nodded slowly.

 

“You can use your excuse all you want but you left me and you did it so eagerly,” he lowered his voice and that made it worse, she wished he’d go back to yelling. “And because of that I have one thing in the entire galaxy I can trust and it's Kay-Tu, a droid, because I obviously couldn't trust you. And how was I supposed to trust anyone else? After what you did? Even now when I need your help it's like pulling teeth and I know for sure that I was always wrong. I was a naive kid who thought you loved me as much as I loved you but I was wrong.”

 

Cassian stood fuming, staring her down for a few seconds before he walked away. Turning his back on her.

 

Instead of feeling like she’d had the wind knocked out of her, she just felt empty. Hollow. A gaping chasm in her chest where the people she loved rested and then left. But she’d done this and she had no one to blame but herself. It wasn’t like when the man in white had murdered her mother and taken away her father. It wasn’t like when Saw Gerrera had left her in that bunker. It wasn’t even like when she’d left the resistance, left him. It was cold and it was final and it was her fault.

 

_“Where are you going?” His voice startled her out of her thoughts, but she kept shoving things in her bag._

 

_She looked up at him but his eyes were filled with too many emotions, she had to look away in order to keep doing what she had to do. Jyn didn’t want to leave him but she had to. She couldn’t stay._

 

_Cassian got in front of her, blocking her from the drawer where she kept her weapons. He dipped his head down to try and force her to look at him. “You could have told me.”_

 

_“You lie for a living,” she whispered, because maybe if she was quiet this wouldn’t happen. She wanted to be gone before he got back, it would have been easier._

 

_“This is different and you know it.” He didn’t move so she did, she turned around and took her coat from the hook on the wall._

 

_If she made it his fault, maybe she’d feel better. “You didn’t ask,” she said._

 

_He scoffed. “I didn’t ask because I knew you wouldn’t tell me. You’d run off in the middle of the night and I’d never see you again.”_

 

_“It’s the middle of the day,” Jyn countered, just to be contrary._

 

_She kept on stuffing this and that in her bag, he finally moved from in front of the drawer so she could get her truncheons and her blaster._

 

_“Don't go.” He was blocking the door now and she hated that she’d have to walk past him to leave. “Kes- Jyn, don't go.”_

 

_She shushed him. “Don't say it so loud. People will hear. I'm dangerous. I told you that.”_

 

_“And I told you I'd take my chances. I'm still not worried. We can protect you.” Cassian lifted his hands like he might hold her, or shake her, but he put them down and she’d never know which he meant to do._

 

_“You don't have that kind of clout. You just made lieutenant and I'm proud of you but Draven is the one who found out and if he tells Mon Mothma, well, I've…” The lump in her throat was making it hard to speak. “I have to go.”_

 

_Jyn brushed past him, she could have left without touching him at all but she wanted to, even just to brush by and feel his warmth one last time._

 

_She thought she heard him say, “I'll protect you,” as she left, but she wasn’t sure and she couldn’t turn around._

 

_If she turned around, she’d never leave._

 

\--

 

Cassian couldn’t be near her right now.

 

That’s how he’d gotten this far away from the ship despite knowing he should be on the ship, taking off, going to find Kay-Tu. Ranport said his information might be old, they should’ve been halfway to Felucia but Cassian just couldn’t be close to Jyn at the moment. He was too angry, too hurt, still too in love with her and the sting of her words ground into his being, unsettling him.

 

He kept walking, hoping the physical exertion of it would dull his senses. It’d been an hour at least but he kept walking. She accused him of putting her in danger. As if he wouldn’t have killed every partygoer at the slightest hint that her identity was exposed. Didn’t he put himself between her and anyone who might have mentioned her father?

 

Maybe he didn’t need her anymore. Cassian didn’t technically need her for the last bit of the mission. He hadn’t told her what it was because he didn’t think she’d come with him, didn’t think she’d help. Turns out he was right. But she was so flippant about it. Jyn didn’t understand. No one did.

 

When Kay-Tu was lost a week ago in the mission gone wrong in Cloud City, Cassian tried to follow the trail immediately, but was called back. Draven certainly wasn’t going to allow any manpower to help Cassian find him. He wrote the droid off as scrap metal. He’d almost ordered Cassian not to go after him, but stopped short. Cassian may have used his only political capital to get a few days to chase after K-2SO.

 

But in his anger, Cassian had vocalized the real reason. He hadn’t told Draven that Kay was the only person he could trust. Draven wouldn’t care. But Jyn, he thought she’d been jealous at the suggestion that there was someone else who he worked with and Cassian knew it was absurd to hope. Hope that she still cared about him like he cared about her. She’d at least looked properly chastised when he left her.

 

He wandered through the village; the people bustling to and fro reminded him that he should go back. There were people going about their day, shopping, chatting with friends, eating, just surviving. Cassian took a minute to think about what his life would be like if he were here, doing this, just surviving. It was a jolt to remember that this was the place Jyn wanted to runaway to. She’d said it a handful of times. What would his life had been like if he’d followed her out here? Come after her when she left? A kid ran past him, narrowly missing his legs and for just a second he let himself go to that place, the place where they made a life here, away from the rebellion and the reach of the Empire.

 

Quickly, he would have reminded himself that nothing was out of reach of the Empire, but he didn’t have a chance because someone knocked him on the back of the head with the butt of a blaster and everything went black.

 

\--

 

She left him to sulk for an hour. That seemed reasonable. If even she was able to sort through her feelings of guilt and shame in an hour, then he was surely done. But Jyn couldn’t reach him on his comm. She spent another hour trying and it was nothing but static. At first, she figured he was just freezing her out. That was fine. She could recognize that she deserved it. But as the second hour started, Jyn began to panic.

 

When the door to the ship slid open, she was ready to give him a piece of her mind.

 

“I know I need to apologize but-”

 

Jyn stopped and reached for her blaster to shoot the person who was definitely not Cassian. The stranger lunged at her, taking her down and knocking her blaster out of reach. The floor grates dug into her back but she could fight back, even if the man was pinning her to the floor with his body. She kneed him in the stomach and dug her feet into him, trying to push herself closer, reaching out for her blaster but still, not quite there. The man was twice her size but that wasn’t unusual. They always underestimated her, Jyn’s fingers stretched, her muscles taut, she was so close to reaching the blaster and making this problem go away.

 

\--

 

Cassian bolted upright, clutching the back of his head, comforted that there wasn’t any blood. He looked around, desperate to get his bearings, and found himself shoved in an alley. His blaster and comm were gone, but if they’d known who he was, they would have captured him, not dumped him in an alley out of the way. Cassian tilted his head and kept rubbing gingerly at the spot where he was hit. Why would someone knock him out like that?

 

They didn’t know who he was, they didn’t take him, just his weapon and his comm. Why would someone need to take his comm? It was hard to concentrate because his head was pounding, throbbing, the sound of the market just beyond the alley was normal, nothing out of place had happened, no massive attack. He couldn’t put his finger on what happened and it was frustrating. Cassian shoved the heels of his hands into his eyes, just blindly trying anything to clear his mind.

 

“Jyn,” he whispered. “The ship.”

 

That was what they wanted. Nothing like a set of run of the mill thieves to ruin your day.

 

Cassian pushed himself off the ground and despite the way his vision was still a little blurry, he started running back towards the ship.

 

\--

 

“Cassian, where are you?” Jyn frantically shout into the comm, but it was nothing but static.

 

She was worried before but with the dead man at her feet, Jyn had to assume he didn’t have his comm. Maybe they’d taken it, but who was they and where did they have Cassian?

 

The ship’s door groaned but Jyn was ready this time. She held her blaster up, and positioned herself out of sight, just to the side of the door. When it slid open, she kicked the man in the face, bringing her heel down to his hand, knocking his blaster out. The man fell forward into the ship and Jyn checked outside before rolling him over.

 

She took a minute to breathe and figure out the best way to do this, she wasn’t Cassian, she didn’t get information from people and she knew that shouting didn’t usually work, but it was all she had.  
  
“Okay, let’s see what you got,” she muttered, getting ready to rouse the interloper.

 

“Jyn!”

 

She heard him from behind her and turned, jumping out of the ship and running towards him. Jyn went to hug him but he sidestepped and pat her arm, walking past her to the unconscious man. He lifted the man’s legs and yanked them so the body landed with a thud on the ground outside the ship.

 

“Where’s the other one?”

 

“What happened?” she asked, walking back towards the ship.

 

Cassian disappeared into the ship and reappeared just as she made it back to the door. He dragged the second man to the door by his feet, like he’d done with the other, and then rolled him out to land on top of the other.

 

“Check their pockets. One of them has my blaster and my comm.”

 

She did as he asked, finding his comm and blaster on the second man, (which was a bit of a task since he was under the first but she didn’t think Cassian would react well to her pointing that out).

 

Jyn handed him his belongings before stepping up into the ship. Cassian slid the door shut behind her and immediately moved to get the ship ready to go.

 

“What happened?” she asked again, noticing the way he was rubbing at the back of his head.

 

“They wanted to steal my ship,” he said, hoisting himself up into the pilot’s seat. “Probably saw me leave, one followed me, one waited for the signal to try and get you. Your dreams of running away should have included a place with less crime.”

 

“I was a kid, I just picked the furthest place I could think of,” Jyn replied, pulling herself into the copilot’s seat. “Is your head okay?”

 

She reached over to feel his head but he swerved (again) out of her reach.

 

“It’s fine, we have to go, we’ve wasted too much time already.” He was flipping switches and calculating the course. “I’ll drop you off on Vallt, it’s on the way.”

 

“Don’t,” she squeaked, she covered her mouth when he looked at her, his brow furrowed. “I’ll help you do this. You shouldn’t go on your own, I can help.”

 

Cassian narrowed his eyes just barely. He was still mad and probably trying to figure out what to do with her. She hated the way he was looking at her, like she was a burden.

 

“I’m sorry,” she started, but he turned away quickly, and waved his hand.

 

Her heart sunk, he wasn’t going to listen to her. Her first instinct was right, it was final, she’d ruined it.

 

“The intel is old, I don’t have time for whatever you’re going to say,” he said, pulling a lever, and steering the ship into the atmosphere.

 

“But I need to explain-”

 

“I’ve always known,” he cut her off. “You’re a terrible liar and your body language gives you away.”

 

Cassian put the headset on and didn’t speak to her the rest of the way.

 

\--

 

Leaning against the window, Jyn watched the planet come into view. She’d never been here, but she knew it was hot and muggy, so she started rolling up her sleeves in preparation. Her muscles ached from the way she was crouched on the seat.

 

After a few minutes of silent treatment from Cassian, she’d climbed down to the cargo area to rest and think. There was no fixing what she’d broken all those years ago, so she wasn’t sure why she even wanted to. They weren’t together. She couldn’t even imagine what that would look like. There was no way that Cassian would leave the Alliance. He was too dedicated.

 

Jyn tried to be dismissive of it, but really, she found his devotion impressive, even if it wasn’t exactly healthy. She knew he hated the things he’d done for them, but he wouldn’t just stop. He’d press forward until the work was done.

 

Though, maybe there was something. Going after this droid, (what did he call it? Kay-Tu?) was surely an act that bent the rules at the very least, probably broke them. That kind of behavior from him was unheard of so either he was tiring of the fight or this droid was more important than she’d even gathered from his outburst. Maybe both.

 

\--

 

Enter the facility, find the maintenance bay, get Kay-Tu, exit without being caught or killed, drop Jyn on Vallt, then back to Yavin IV before breakfast. Cassian repeated the tasks, one after another. It was easier than thinking about Jyn.

 

He was angry, but that kind of fire that comes when someone genuinely hurts you. The painful reminder that she’d left him, didn’t care about him, didn’t think he cared about her. Sludging through the old fantasies about running away with her, having things he was never going to get, even if Jyn felt differently. And maybe she did.

 

The panic in her voice and on her face when he came back made him wonder. But he couldn’t do this. He had to separate himself from her. Cassian was better at his work when Jyn wasn’t around. When she was, he was a jumble of stubborn tendrils refusing to untangle, messy strands of his feelings, impossible to sort and put into the boxes he needed to put them in so he could complete his tasks.

 

And whether she cared about him or not, she wasn’t coming back to the rebellion, so there was no point in figuring any of it out. Drop her on Vallt and move on. That was the best plan.

 

Putting down the ship a fair distance from the coordinates wasn’t difficult, but he missed Kay-Tu’s ability to do it quicker, safer. Cassian saw Jyn clutch the seat as the ship shook coming down. She didn’t say anything though, so he hoped she’d be easier to guide, desperate to apologize. He wouldn’t let her, but he only felt the barest amount of guilt at using that to make working with her easier.

 

They walked to the ridge just above the coordinates, it was warm and sunny, but the entrance stood out from the ground so they stopped to plan further.

 

“The good news is it’s not an Imperial facility,” Jyn offered.  

 

“The bad news is I count eight at the door.” Cassian handed her the quadnocs.

 

“I got eight, too, but I can take six of them.”

 

He snorted. “I’ve no doubt you can, but not before one of them hits the radio, alerting the whole place.”

 

Jyn grunted. “I don’t want to spy our way in there. You know I’m no good at it.”

 

Her pout had him rolling his eyes. “I don’t need to be reminded.”

 

“Well?”

 

“There has to be a back way,” he said, taking back the quadnocs to check the rest of the perimeter.

 

“That’s gonna take too long and you already said the intel’s old.” She pushed up off the dirt and started walking towards the building entrance. “We don’t have that kind of time.”

 

“What are you doing?” he asked, but she was already on her way.

 

“Hey, sorry! Hello!” She put her hands up and acted innocent. Cassian hung back a few paces behind her, ready to draw his blaster. “We’re lost.”

 

The guards didn’t even bother with their blasters, half of them didn’t even look at her. Jyn must have flashed one of her wide, fake smiles because a couple of the men smiled back. It didn’t bother Cassian. The way they looked at her. Really.

 

“I told him,” she threw back her head for just a second to look at him, “I told him one of you must have a comm we can use to call back to our ship and get our pickup. Maybe even all of you have a comm?”

 

He realized what she was doing, all the guards were focused on her and three of them pulled comms out to offer them to her in quick succession.

 

“Thank you,” she said, graciously, her voice singing the words, as her finger pointed at each guard with a comm.

 

Cassian took the signal, reached for his blaster and shot the comm out of two of the guard’s hands. He aimed for the third but Jyn had kicked it out of the guard’s hand and was taking on a group of them. Two of the guards came running at him and he shot each one, before running towards Jyn and the pile of guards that seemed to be closing in on her.

 

Everytime he aimed at one of them, she took care of it. Kicked one off to the side, he laid limp, a bruise blooming on his forehead. Another was yelping, holding his arm, one bent over for a second to catch his breath before she rammed him into the wall.

 

“Where’s droid maintenance?” he asked, crouching down to get closer to the man holding his arm.

 

The guard shook his head and continued whining about his arm, it did look broken. Cassian kept himself from cringing at the way it hung limply.

 

Jyn used the weight of a guard coming at her, ducking and letting him roll off her, he landed by Cassian’s feet. Cassian shot him in the chest without taking his eyes off the guard he’d just been questioning.

 

“Where’re the droids?” he asked, but again, he was ignored.

 

He could have poked at the arm, could have held his blaster to his head, but Jyn fighting in the background was the best way to get the information.

 

Sighing, he stood up, and looked over his shoulder as Jyn kicked the last guard, pudgy and bald, in the gut. “He doesn’t want to tell me where they keep the droids.”

 

“No reason to keep him alive then,” Jyn said, shrugging, before giving the chubby guard a final punch to his jaw, knocking him over.

 

She took two steps towards the whining guard before he was holding his good arm up to shield himself.

 

“In the back of the facility. Go in, take a left, straight to the end of the hall,” he spit out, frantically, doing his best to shrink in size.

 

Cassian nodded at the man in thanks, before leaning over and punching him in the jaw, knocking him out.

 

“That was painful to watch,” Cassian said, as they walked through the door and headed down the hallway to the left.

 

“I won’t break your arm, don’t worry.” Jyn glanced over her shoulder as they went.

 

“Not that, the part where you were trying to flirt with them.”

 

“I flirt just fine, it worked on you!”

 

“I was 17 years old, all you had to do was look like you do and give me the time of day, it wasn’t hard.”

 

He knew he should avoid this conversation. _Collect K-2SO, drop Jyn on Vallt, be back to the rebellion by dinner._ But he was having fun. Cassian couldn’t remember the last time he had fun while working a mission. His job wasn’t fun. It wasn’t supposed to be.

 

But spending time with Jyn…

 

Didn’t matter.

 

She left him before, she’d leave him again. He was letting go.

 

Jyn pushed open the door at the end of the hall and stopped, but he didn’t notice until he bumped into her back. He swallowed and stepped back quickly, which was a saving grace because she turned to him immediately and had he not taken a step back she would have been way too close.

 

“You’re not gonna like this,” she said, scrunching her nose up.

 

He pushed past her (not enjoying the way her skin was warm from the fight, he didn’t notice it that much, mostly) and took in the scene.

 

“A warehouse? Of droids?” He groaned.

 

“What kind of a droid is it that we’re looking for? Because splitting up will be the fastest way to get this done.”

 

“A KX Imperial Security Droid,” Cassian said, starting down the main aisle, looking side to side.

 

All of this and K-2SO might not even be here. Cassian would need to decide if after this, he kept looking or he gave up. Searching for him here was grasping at straws and every step further into the warehouse felt like the straws were slipping out of his grip.

 

“The tall, greyish kind?” Jyn asked.

 

“Yeah,” he said, turning down an aisle that might have been sorted into taller droids. He couldn’t be sure.

 

The droids were all powered down, inanimate, stacked, piled, stowed on shelves that were bowing under the weight. At the end of every aisle there was a work station with tools.

 

“You know,” Jyn’s voice startled him, but he didn’t look at her, he kept his eyes on the shelves, searching. “You’re always going on about me being a bad liar, but you missed one.”

 

His curiosity was piqued but he wasn’t going to admit it. “Less talking, more looking.”

 

“I didn’t leave Aheks because I was restless.”

 

Cassian waited a beat, and then glanced over his shoulder at her. Jyn was sliding her finger along the parallel shelf, she stopped to toss a spare arm, before turning to him. He looked away quickly, hoping she didn’t see. He took three long steps, putting more distance between them.

 

“What? You never went there at all?” He was trying for sharp and uncaring but he didn’t even believe himself.

 

“I went. Found a little house, got a job in a cantina throwing out drunks,” she said, breezing by him, circling around to the other aisle but close to him still, just on the other side of where he was looking. She could have moved parts and seen him through the shelf. “But it wasn’t right.”

 

“Why’s that?” he asked, ignoring the voice in his head telling him to stop her, he shouldn’t hear whatever she had to say, he was done with her.

 

“I left because I was lonely.”

 

Cassian’s feet felt like lead, he was stuck to the floor, unsure what he wanted to hear from her, a tiny bubble of something, (hope?) forming in the pit of his stomach. He swallowed and tried to summon that voice that would tell him he shouldn’t hear her out. She left him. This time he’d leave her. As soon as they found Kay-Tu.

 

An alarm sounded. Cassian looked around before running to the back of the aisle, Jyn met him and they ran further back into the warehouse.

 

“We have to get out of here,” he said, as they reached another cross aisle.

 

“No, we have to find the droid. We didn’t traipse all over the galaxy to not get your droid.”

 

“It’s pointless, he’s probably not even here,” Cassian argued, grabbing her hand and trying to steer her back the way they came, but she didn’t budge.

 

“This place is huge, we already took out a ton of guards.”

 

The pleading look in her eyes gave him pause. He looked around, the alarm was blaring but he couldn’t hear any guards, no footfalls, no hum of blasters. When he looked back at her, she was determined.

 

“We can do it.” Jyn squeezed his hand and waited for some kind of a response.

 

He weighed the options, run, drop Jyn on Vallt, go back to Yavin IV empty handed, or keep trying to find K-2SO.

 

Before he could make a decision, he heard shouting, it was too close to run, there was no where to go, so he took a step back, pulling Jyn with him so they were leaning against the shelf, hoping the shadows were enough to hide them.

 

Three guards ran past in quick succession. He waited and listened. Jyn’s breathing was so shallow, he would have been worried that she’d stopped completely, but he felt her thumb sliding across his knuckles and knew she was fine.

 

“If they had more, they’d send more,” Jyn whispered, he felt her lean into him and felt her breath hot on his neck.

 

Done with her.

 

He was done with her.

 

She tugged on his hand and he finally looked at her. Jyn tilted her head, gesturing down the aisle.

 

“Look, we’re so close.” They were, he could feel her entire frame pressed against his side. Cassian knew she meant droids but he gulped to remind himself. “There’s a stash of security droids down there, I can see them.”

 

He nodded just barely and she let go of his hand and sprinted down the aisle, he followed her, taking care to stay as close to the shelf and in the shadows as he could. There were spare parts, containers full of bolts, washers, circuit boards, a work station, and next to the shelf were four KX models, all propped up.

 

“Is it one of these?” Jyn whispered, looking the droids over.

 

Cassian tried not to get his hopes up. He slid by her, his hand on her back to let her know he was behind her. It was unnecessary it but Cassian let himself have the grounding touch. It was selfish and at the moment, he couldn’t feel bad about it. He was preparing to be crushed, K-2SO could be in this group or he could be gone.

 

They couldn’t power up the droids, the alarm was still blaring, a constant siren above them, there were still guards looking for them, and who knows what the droids would do if they weren’t Kay, so how could they tell if one of them was Kay-Tu

 

“I don’t know,” he admitted.

 

“Does he have any markings? Scrapes? Dents? This one has a purple digit,” Jyn said, lifting the hand of the first droid.

 

Cassian thought back to the last few missions they’d run, the last one specifically, when he’d lost Kay-Tu. He felt a surge of hope. “There should be a dent, on the back, towards the shoulder joint!”

 

As they started checking the droids, the alarm stopped.

 

“That’s ominous,” Jyn muttered.

 

They both stopped at the end of the row of droids, empty handed.

 

“And no dents,” Cassian added, feeling all the optimism drain out of him.

 

“We’ll keep looking.” She was determined still and he didn’t understand.

 

“No, he’s not here,” he said, defeated. “We need to go, I’ll drop you off, I’ll go back to base and forget this ever happened. You just want to keep looking so I’ll let you apologize.”

 

“No.” Jyn’s voice cracked and he knew for sure he couldn’t summon that inner voice that would stop her. “I was lonely, that’s why I left Aheks, it was crushing, to be so alone, to not have you with me. If I ruined what chance I had with you, I don’t want you to feel that loneliness either. We’ll find the droid because you shouldn’t have to feel that. You carry enough around. If you can trust him, then I’ll find him because you can’t trust me.”

 

Cassian didn’t know how to feel. It’d been back and forth from the minute he plucked her off of Wobani two days go, but last night he’d decided. He was done with her. But he couldn’t stop his hands from fidgeting, like muscle memory, he wanted to hold her. It was stupid and selfish.

 

Even what she’d said, it wasn’t some kind of a plea to love her. Just acceptance that she’d screwed up.

 

“I didn’t trust anyone before you,” he said, his mouth feeling sticky, the words weren’t going to come out easy. “You know that, and I didn’t... I didn’t need people. I finished my assignments, I was left to extract myself more times than I’d care to admit. I reprogrammed Kay-Tu and he was the only one I worked with. But I survived the time between you leaving me and finding him just fine. I’ll do it again.”

 

Jyn’s eyes glistened with tears and he saw her bite the inside of her lip and shake her head. “But you shouldn’t have to.”

 

“The rebellion wouldn't even sanction this. They were like you and maybe they were right. It's pointless, he's gone, it's a waste of good resources. They wouldn't help me so I got the only person that I knew might help me.”

 

“Let me fix this,” she said, furiously swiping at a tear on her cheek. “Please. You go back to your job, I'll keep looking, every corner of the galaxy. I can fix this.”

 

It was maybe the closest thing he’d ever get from her in terms of declarations of feelings.

 

Cassian gave in, cupping her cheek to wipe a stray tear with his thumb. Jyn closed her eyes and sighed. There were still guards looking for them. K-2SO wasn’t here, but she offered to scour the galaxy on her own to help him. He leaned in, brushing his lips with hers, just barely. But muscle memory. Or greed. Didn’t matter.

 

She wrapped her arm around his neck, trying to get closer to him and he didn’t object. Cassian brought his other hand to her face, enjoying the feel of her lips. There was a need in her that was matched only by his. Jyn pressed herself even closer, like she might melt into him if she tried hard enough. He didn’t mind in the least, he wanted her even closer.

 

There had been others. Cassian had kissed all kinds to get information, to satisfy his own desire, to forget what his life was daily. But no one tasted like her. No one felt like her. Whether that was an indicator of some deep emotional connection or just that she was the first, he didn’t know. He’d never be sure. But as the smallest gasp escaped Jyn, he found he didn’t care.

 

“Intruders in Section Nine,” a droid chirped from the workstation, startling them apart.

 

But the voice was familiar.

 

“Kay-Tu?” He didn’t dare hope.

 

His hands still holding Jyn’s face, Cassian turned to see Kay half on the workstation, half off, as in a leg of his was on the shelf next to him.

 

“Intruders who know my name, that’s odd,” he said.

 

The droid had wires dangling from his head, hooked into a programming console on the workstation. Cassian didn’t even mind letting go of Jyn, he was so relieved. He took the three steps to reach Kay-Tu and checked the back of his shoulder joint, the dent was there and Cassian would have whooped for joy if he wasn’t worried about alerting the guards that were still unaccounted for.

 

“Is it him?”

 

Cassian nodded, smiling wide. “It looks like they were in the process of wiping him.”

 

The droid tilted his head. “Do I know you?”

 

Reaching for the wires, Cassian bit his lip in concentration and started to unhook Kay-Tu. “You’ll remember me as soon as we get you to the ship.”

 

“Why would I go with you?”

 

“Trust me, you like him better than you like these twerps,” Jyn said, picking up the spare leg. “We can't carry him out, he's too big. Next time make a smaller droid your best friend.”

 

“I'm a sufficient size to do my tasks. You're very small. And angry.”

 

“Hey, I didn’t even say anything angry! I can say something though,” she shot back, shaking Kay’s leg at him.

 

Cassian grabbed her arm to pull her closer and get her out of Kay-Tu’s face.

 

“This is Jyn Erso. You shouldn't call her small and angry. Her name is Jyn.”

 

“Don't tell him my name!”

 

“You're bothered by your own name? What an odd human.”

 

If he wasn’t so happy to have found Kay-Tu, he would have been irritated by the two of them. “That's Kay. He's still in there.”

 

“The droid was mean to me and that's how you know he's fine?”

 

“You'd have to know him to understand,” Cassian said with a shrug.

 

“I'm beginning to think you programmed him to hate me.” Her brow was furrowed and she did that pouting thing that made him want to kiss her again, but they didn’t have the time and he wasn’t sure it was the right thing to do a minute ago.

 

“I didn't but I can see how that's a missed opportunity.” He smiled to himself as he finished detaching the wires. “Alright, give me his leg so I can attach it.”

 

But just as she offered it to him, he saw a guard over her shoulder. “Duck!” he said, pulling his blaster.

 

Jyn didn’t duck. Instead, she swung around, the metal leg still in her grip, she knocked it into the guard. It was enough to give Cassian time to shoot him.

 

“Don’t use my leg to hurt people!” Kay-Tu sounded horrified.

 

“They were gonna hurt me!” Jyn argued.

 

Cassian took the leg from her. “Keep an eye out for the other two while I reattach this.”

 

Jyn narrowed her eyes at the droid. She put two fingers up to her eyes and then pointed them at K-2SO to show she was watching him. It had been two minutes and Cassian was annoyed by their interactions. But he went to work attaching the leg.

 

“So, you can reprogram him? To remember you?” she asked, her back to him, keeping watch.

 

“I’ve got his last backup on the ship, he’ll be fine in a few hours.” He dug in the workstation drawer for the tool he needed to fix Kay-Tu’s leg.

 

“We’re done then,” Jyn said, strained.

 

“I’ll drop you on Vallt after this.”

 

He didn’t want to. But she wasn’t coming back to the rebellion. No matter what had happened between them in the last two days (or last 10 minutes). And he wasn’t leaving it, there was too much at stake. Maybe one day the timing would work out but today wasn’t that day.

 

She walked a little further into the aisle, her blaster raised, he kept working.

 

“Great,” she whispered so low he barely heard her.

 

“Good as new,” Cassian told Kay, ignoring the way that his stomach twisted in knots at the thought of being away from her soon.  

 

“Let’s go,” Jyn threw over her shoulder, taking off.

 

He helped the droid off the workstation, then lifted his blaster to make their way out of the warehouse.

 

Cassian got to the end of the aisle and a tingle ran up his spine. Jyn wasn’t there. He looked both ways, checked the next aisle over, and still didn’t see her.

 

“Jyn?”

 

“Over here!” The shout came from another aisle, he bolted quickly in that direction.

 

His body was trained not to show stress, not to buckle under pressure, but he felt like his bones might jump out of his skin. He rounded the corner in time to see her fighting with a Rodian. She was doing fine and his heart slowed at the sight. He looked behind him to verify that K-2SO had followed him, but came up empty. He turned back to Jyn in time to see the third guard come from the side and tackle her to the ground.

 

Cassian shot the Rodian in the chest and the human in the back since he was still on the floor on top of Jyn.

 

“No, no, no,” he muttered to himself, hearing his heartbeat in his ears and his muscles tighten. “Jyn!”

 

He moved the dead guard and crouched down next to her, biting his tongue to keep from speaking. He tasted blood. Cassian balled up his fists, prepping for the worst, but saw her chest rise and fall, and he let out a breath. He checked the back of her head and was relieved to find no blood.

 

“Kay, we have to go,” he shouted as he lifted Jyn into his arms.

 

The droid poked around the corner of the aisle. “Me?”

 

“Yes, you,” he snapped. “Let’s go.”

 

\--

 

_Jyn was 16 and Cassian was 17 when he took her home, and he really did take her home. She slept in his bunk from the first day. Granted, they were two people who were used to sharing. Too few warm blankets and too many people, never enough comfortable places to sleep._

 

_One night when she woke screaming, he pulled her close. Didn’t ask why, didn’t speak at all. Just held her against his chest. So she did the same for him when it happened a few weeks later. It went on like that for two years. From the beginning, they were connected by the traumas children face in a galaxy torn apart._

 

\--

 

If she didn’t open her eyes, she could lie here a few more minutes, pretending she was in an exquisitely soft bed. Of course, that couldn’t be the case, because Jyn didn’t sleep in plush beds, she slept on hard bunks, in spaces too small for a person to breathe easy.

 

Except, the longer she kept her eyes closed, while hovering closer to consciousness, she was sure she was covered in a warm quilt, her head on top of a fluffy pillow, and someone next to her.

 

“Welcome back,” Cassian said when she rolled over to see him propped up against the wall, reading. “If you had slept much longer I might have called a doctor.”

 

Jyn crinkled her nose, unsure of what was happening. “Where are we?”

 

“A safehouse on Vallt.”

 

Jyn made a face.

 

“You told me you wanted to be dropped on Vallt,” he explained like it was the most obvious thing.

 

He looked tired but relaxed.

 

“Where’s…” She trailed off, unable to quite grasp the thought.

 

“K-2SO is on the ship, he’s hooked in so by the time I go back to him, he should be back to normal.” Cassian put down his datapad and reached over to brush a lock of hair off her face. His hand lingered on her cheek and Jyn tried not to close her eyes at the soft touch. “I should go.”

 

“You were just waiting for me to wake up?”

 

“The guy slammed your head on the floor pretty hard. I worried he cracked it but your thick skull finally worked in your favor.”

 

Jyn crinkled her nose at his comment but he smiled and she didn't want him to go. The way his hand warmed her skin and the way his face lit up, she missed him and he wasn’t even gone yet.

 

But it didn’t matter what she wanted. Jyn pushed those thoughts down, ignoring the flashes of when they were young and shared a bed. She would wake up to him reading and he’d lean down and kiss her and-

 

“Anytime you need help, come pick me up,” Jyn said, trying to keep her tone light.

 

“That’s a generous offer, you sure about that?” he asked, sliding down so he was closer, using his elbow to prop himself up.

 

She felt his leg scoot closer to hers and shamelessly threw her leg over his as she turned to face him, mirroring his position.

 

“Feels like you won’t abuse it since I’m notoriously hard to work with.” She barely smiled, but his grin got wider.

 

“Sounds more like you are already planning on needing a rescue from some Imperial prison.” He was holding back a laugh.

 

“No,” Jyn breathed out, but instead of some catchy remark, she got distracted by his proximity.

 

Cassian was so close she didn’t have to move much to lean into his lips. He didn’t pull away. She felt him gasp, a hand moving to her hip to pull her closer. Jyn felt her breathing slow despite her pounding heart.

 

The other kisses were rough and needy. But not this one.

 

This time, she relished the soft sounds and the gentle touches. It was slow and warm. She wanted to remember this. To catalog the scratch of his stubble against her chin, the way his fingers kneaded the skin at her hip, the way his tongue tasted.

 

Jyn slid her hand up Cassian’s chest, she played with the collar of his shirt before skimming the skin of his neck slowly, the simple action causing him to slow his kiss even further. By the time she was stroking his chin with her thumb, he was practically groaning.

 

“It took moving out of that room before I didn’t think about this when I was in our bunk,” he murmured, hardly having moved away from her lips.

 

“Blaster oil.” She closed her eyes, so she wouldn’t have to see his reaction. “The kind you used, it’s all I ever use because it reminds me of you.”

 

She wanted to ask him to stay. Beg him to leave the cause he worked himself half to death for, tell him they could run away from the Alliance and the Empire and disappear.

 

But growing up meant knowing there was no point. There was no place in the galaxy far enough to run. It didn’t work for her parents and it was barely working for her.

 

Jyn moved to straddle him. Pulling her shirt over her head, she rolled her hips and he reacted instantly, dragging her back down to kiss him.

 

His hand caught on a scar on her back. “That’s new.”

 

She kissed along his neck while yanking his shirt up. “I stole some Jelucan art and the smuggler didn’t think her cut was high enough,” Jyn explained against his skin. “So I took the art and found a new buyer. She didn’t live to regret that business choice.”

 

Cassian laughed and tugged his shirt over his own head, then guided her hand to a jagged stripe on his side.

 

“A Troukree knife?”

 

He nodded and kissed her again. “A contact thought they’d play both sides.”

 

“But you figured it out before the knife?” She phrased it like a question but knew he did, he was too smart for that.

 

Cassian sucked on the spot right below her ear and she moaned, feeling a jolt of heat go through her.

 

“Grabbed the knife off a passerby, it’s my own fault for not expecting it.”

 

“You’re so bad at your job,” she said, but there was no sting in her words.

 

“That contact might argue the point if they were still alive.” He flipped them over, working to undo his own pants in between kisses. “And the amount of times you’ve broken out of jail makes me think you’re pretty bad at your own job.”

 

She shimmied out of her own pants as he settled between her legs. “Are you keeping tabs on me, Captain?”

 

Anything else she might have said was lost as he sunk into her. Jyn wrapped a leg around him, desperate for him to be closer.

 

Cassian rested his forehead against hers, eyes closed, as he caught his breath. Jyn tempered the building need in herself, trying to commit everything to memory. It was the first time in years and likely the last. She brushed her lips against his and it was all the encouragement he needed.

 

“I missed you.” Jyn pressed the words into his skin and hoped they stayed with him.  

 

All night went like that. A scar and a story here, a quiet expression of adoration there. It was a terrible idea because it wouldn’t last forever, no matter how much she hoped it would.

 

\--

 

Jyn was safe, but heartbroken.

She knew Cassian would leave soon and that’d be that. They’d go their separate ways and she didn’t know when the next time she’d see him would be. Sure, they’d bumped into each other over the years, but this was different. Everything felt jumbled and unsteady. Except with him at her back, his arm over her stomach, his nose buried in her hair, this felt clear and right.

 

They couldn’t run away (he never would and she had grown enough to appreciate that about him) and she couldn’t imagine herself back with the rebellion.

 

Could she?

 

There were worse things she could be doing. Sitting in a prison cell on Wobani for starters. She was out of friends, ready to die there. But he came along and gave her a new purpose and it felt good. Turned out stealing things wasn’t as rewarding. But what else could she do? Jyn had tried being a hired gun, she didn’t care for shooting where someone else pointed. Being a thief or a rebel were the only things she’d ever been good at.

 

Cassian stirred, grumbling about something that she couldn’t understand.

 

“I can’t hear you when you talk into my hair.” She turned so she was on her back. He was still wrapped around her though, but he at least had his face out of her hair.

 

“Hope no one tried to steal my ship again,” he joked, his arm sliding up her belly, between her breasts, stopping at her necklace. His pointer finger traced her collarbone back and forth under the strap holding the crystal.

 

Jyn bit her lip to tamp down the wave of nostalgia. A flash of him doing this when he’d come back to her. A mission where he didn’t come back for days and she held her crystal until she was sure she couldn’t feel her fingers. How had she forgotten? Why did her mind choose now to remind her?

 

“How many times have you almost died?” she asked, a desperate attempt to move on from the painful memory.

 

“Too many times to count.” His voice was still rough with sleep.

 

“Liar,” Jyn said, pushing on his arm, he snorted, and she pushed again. “You keep track.”

 

“Seventeen.” He kissed her shoulder, an excuse not to look her in the eye.

 

She counted on her fingers before she answered her own question, “Thirty-one.”

 

He scoffed. “I'm going to remind you of that the next time you say _I’m_ bad at my job”

 

Jyn laughed then. Barely. His finger still worked across her collarbone and his lips lingered on her shoulder, the brush of his whiskers on her skin reminded her of the way they scraped her thighs hours before.

 

“I’m sorry I had to leave.” She waited for him to respond, to interrupt her like he’d done yesterday, but he didn’t so she went on. “I couldn't be sure I would be safe. I know you had the best intentions but I was scared.”

 

Cassian didn’t say anything but he didn’t bolt so maybe she’d be able to get it all out this time.

 

“My mother was murdered for trying to run from the empire. Who knows where my father is? Saw left me, I knew if I didn't disappear I was putting myself at risk.”

 

Jyn wasn’t sure why Saw left her, but she had an idea. She was a liability, like dangling the Empire’s favorite flavor of bait. And if it was bad enough that Saw, her second father, abandoned her, it was at the bare minimum risky for Cassian.

 

“I was putting you in the blast zone, too.”

 

“Me?” He lifted his head and looked at her concerned, but also as if he was checking to see if she was lying.

 

“You were all I had and I kept seeing my mother dying in front of my father, she was trying to save him.” Jyn hadn’t told him about her parents, she saw him soaking in the information, all the while his finger was still twisting in the cord of her necklace. “I couldn't do that, but I could leave so you'd be safe and I'd be safe. It made sense to me at the time. I was terrified.”

 

“And now?” Cassian asked, his brow furrowed.

 

“I don’t have you anymore but I’m still scared for you.” She swallowed past the lump forming in her throat. “It's different now. I’m scared you’ll work yourself to death, or you’ll let the weight of your guilt crush you, or you’ll stop eating out of selflessness.” Jyn bit her lip, everything was pouring out of her, she wondered if she should try to stem the flow, but now that she’d turned on the faucet, she wasn’t sure she knew how to turn it off. “I’m scared I won’t see you again, because you’ll be dead on some planet having finally run out the clock.”

 

Cassian surged forward, kissing her hard. She wasn't sure if he was touched or he'd had the same thoughts about himself.

 

Jyn slid her hand up his arm, kneading the skin as she went, feeling the heat of it, appreciating how solid he was, how alive he felt. He pulled away but didn’t open his eyes to look at her, he took a deep breath and then kissed her again, gently, little fluttering kisses, like he knew he should stop but every time he wanted just one more little taste.

 

“Not to keep bringing it up but you're the one who’s always getting caught,” Cassian finally pulled away enough to say, but then kissed her again before finishing, “You don't have to worry about me.”

 

Jyn smiled, it felt goofy and too wide, like her muscles weren't used to the motion. His teasing was comforting, even if it wasn’t enough.

 

“I know but maybe we do better together. Maybe we should-” she started but he cut her off.

 

“-I can't leave.”

 

“I'm not asking you to leave the rebellion.” She shook her head, a sad sort of laugh escaping her.  “I know better.”

 

“I’m sorry,” Cassian whispered, his voice shaky, like he knew it was the line in the sand and he hated himself for not crossing it.

 

She reached up, holding his cheek, and ran her thumb across his lips. Jyn wasn’t sure it was the best idea but it felt like her only idea now. It was what she wanted more than anything.

 

“I don't believe in it,” she breathed out, feeling nervous. “But I believe in you. That's enough.”

 

Cassian tilted his head, his eyes narrowed. He opened his mouth but nothing came out. It took a minute before he asked, “What’re you saying?”

 

Jyn steadied her breathing. “Take me home.”

 

He didn’t say anything at first and Jyn worried that she’d made a mistake, misjudged the situation, or misunderstood how he felt about her. She bit her lip as he searched her face, disbelieving.

 

“You’re sure?” Cassian asked, cautiously.

 

“Please.” She pulled him to her, hoping her kiss would be more reassuring than her words.

 

He smiled against her lips and his arm on her back pulled her closer to him. Jyn’s stomach fluttered as he nipped at her bottom lip. He pulled back just barely, so he could kiss along her jaw.

 

“Let’s go home,” he whispered, before he kissed her again.

 

The rebellion wasn’t the worst place she could be, and if he was with her, she’d be fine.  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you'd like a completely happy ending, stop here. If you want this fic to connect with the film, read the epilogue. :) 
> 
>  
> 
> I'm on tumblr at cupcakesandtv, come say hi!


	2. Epilogue

 

“What’s she doing here?” Kay-Tu asked as they boarded the ship.

 

He was standing at the console, working out coordinates, but Jyn could see he was still hooked in with wires.

 

“Jyn’s coming back with us,” Cassian explained, tossing his bag on one of the jumpseats.

 

“Coming back,” the droid repeated. “To the Alliance?”

 

“Before you were Cassian’s sidekick, I was,” she joked, dropping her bag by Cassian’s.

 

They’d stopped to get her hidden stash of belongings before coming to the ship. Jyn had spots all over, but Vallt held the most important stuff. Not that it was much. It barely filled the bag, but at least she’d have a change of clothes.

 

“There’s no record of a Jyn Erso ever being with the Alliance.” K-2SO’s tilted his head.

 

Jyn wasn’t sure what to say. “Uh, did your backup work?” she asked Cassian.

 

He pulled his vest on, unhooked the last wires from the droid, and grabbed something from behind her. It was normal. But he was close and she couldn’t help but smile at him when he brushed her arm.

 

“There is no record of a Jyn Erso because she was never with the Alliance,” he told her with a wink. “There is probably some record of Kestrel Dawn though.”

 

“You wiped the records of me, but only sort of?” She raised an eyebrow and tried not to lean closer.

 

The line was blurry now that he was taking her home. They’d been open and affectionate all day but back at the ship, she wasn’t sure how to act when there was an audience. Jyn wasn’t sure what she wanted other people to know, at least professionally.

 

She expected when they got back that Draven would take one look at her and know exactly what was going on, give her that sour face he made and then never mention it again. Which was how she’d like it to go for everyone. Not that she knew anyone there anymore.

 

Cassian leaned in and whispered in her ear, “Turns out Kestrel was very tangled in the rebellion back then so I tried to remove the big stuff, I had to leave some bits because I honestly didn’t have the time to go through it all.”

 

“When did you-” she started, but she noticed K-2SO giving them a dirty look. (How a droid could give a dirty look, she couldn’t explain, but she knew that’s what it was.) Jyn cleared her throat and Cassian looked over his shoulder at Kay-Tu.

 

“Let Draven know we’re coming,” he said, unbothered by the dirty look.

 

“I’ve already done that.”

 

“Then get started on the calculations.” Cassian turned back to her. “I removed any mention of Jyn Erso before you left.”

 

“Before?” She felt a stab of guilt over leaving him, again.

 

He shrugged and moved to climb into the pilot’s seat. Jyn followed him, hoisting herself into the other seat.

 

“Thank you,” she said, but he waved her off so she reached for his knee to get him to look at her. “Really, thank you.”

 

“It was a long time ago, doesn't matter now,” he said, unwilling to take her gratitude.

 

“It matters to me,” she said, softly.

 

Cassian covered her hand with his and squeezed, but didn’t meet her eyes, continuing to work the switches and levers on the console, prepping for take off.

 

“That’s my chair,” K-2SO cut in, causing Jyn to pull back her hand.

 

“I’d fight you for it but I assume you’re a better pilot than he is so I’m going to let you have it.” Jyn gave Cassian a look (he rolled his eyes at her comment) and then hopped out of the seat.

 

“There's an encrypted transmission from Jedha, Cassian,” Kay-Tu said when he was situated in the seat.

 

Jyn stretched herself out across a couple of seats in the middle and watched Cassian move to the console in the main cabin. He pulled on the headset and started typing furiously at the keyboard.

 

Jyn’s thoughts strayed to the rebellion she'd decided to go back to. Jedha was a war zone. The last three years Jyn had been all over the galaxy, but she skirted that kind of danger, didn't get too close, now she'd be expected to be in the thick of it. She'd been operating in survival mode for so long, it felt odd to be running towards the fray not away from it.

 

“Change course to the Ring of Kafrene, Kay,” Cassian said, pulling the headset off and moving back to his seat.

 

“What?” She stood up, wedging herself between the chairs and looking up at him. “What's going on?”

 

“I have to meet a contact,” he answered, his face in that subtle impassivity needed for spy work.

 

But she wasn't a contact to extract information from and it annoyed her that she couldn’t read him.

 

“Cassian,” she prodded, dropping her voice, knowing K-2SO was right there.

 

He glanced over at Kay-Tu and then looked down at her, his face softer now. “It’ll take an hour tops, we’ll be back to Yavin IV by the end of the day.”

 

“No, it’s fine, I just,” she paused, biting the inside of her cheek, “It’s going to take some getting used to, doing this again.”

 

He gave her a half smile. “You’ll get there.”

 

And that was all the spark she needed to believe it.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You can find me on tumblr at cupcakesandtv! Come say hi!


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